Wednesday, July 13, 2011

"You Might be a Redneck if..."

It took me half of my marriage of almost 14 years now, to come to terms with the fact I just might be a Redneck. As a kid I thought the term was literal, you know people that had necks that were RED. So when I get nervous I get a little bit of red rash on my neck...hmmm I might be a Redneck.

Wait for it...

I was raised a little bit prim and proper and I've never had a liking for country music much (beyond "Friends in Low Places").

I'm not a beer drinker, could care less about NASCAR, and big noisy trucks DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT impress me, and I'm definitely NOT a bigot.  A friend of mine actually accused me of being racist against peach-skinned baby dolls because I always tended to buy my daughter brown-skinned baby dolls.

Anyway, I certainly thought I was in the clear from being classified as a Redneck.

BUT, something happened when I married my socially opposite husband. It just so happens that he comes from a long line of a little bit of redneck, little bit of hillbilly. I didn't see the signs, he didn't much enjoy the things mentioned above either.

But then I began to hear some stories. The first one having to do with Super Glue, a Toilet Seat, and a scheme to sue Wal-Mart. YIKES. Other indicators involved "Rattle Snake Holler," living in campers, and functional outhouses.

Oh dear, I might be MARRIED to a Redneck.
Wait for it....
A couple times in the last 14 years, we've moved my mother-in-law in with us. I learned a lot about the Redneck ways during that first 9-month stint she had with us and I learn something new every time she comes to visit. I credit her for opening my eyes to the useability of everything around me.

You mean I can grow seeds in leftover yogurt containers instead of buying the plastic trays from Earl Mae?

I really began to enjoy the ingenuity of the Redneck. So came the suspicion I might be a Redneck.

We've come to some acceptance here.

My Babe isn't much of a Redneck really, but he HAS accepted and unleashed the humor of the stereotypical Redneck ways of his family.  Someday he plans to author a book titled "How DID they get that Trailer Up on that Hill?"

Me? I've accepted that my standards aren't that of my grandmother, that I probably make some of my family cringe (like when we don't mow the lawn often enough, or collect large tractor tires in our yard) and that these things might just make me a Redneck.
Wait for it...
With the acceptance, however, I've decided to EMBRACE (I really like this word these days) that Redneck part of me and focus on the positives of being a Redneck.

With that being said, I like to think of Rednecks as just a little bit more RESOURCEFUL than most. Outside- of-the-box thinkers, perhaps.

I mean if you don't have the money to buy seat covers to cover your quality seats in your 1992 Ford Escort, just put an 3XL Shirt over the seat!

Now that is resourceful AND outside of the box thinking!

If you have no teeth of your own, why not save a little money and USE the hillbilly teeth as dentures?

Anyway, you can see I will defend the ways of the rednecks. I continue to suspect I am one and to be sure, I picked up this little resource to help me out.

"You Might be a Redneck if..." THE GAME. 
Thank you Jeff Foxworthy.

And thank you Rummage Sale holders because I never would have bought this for more than $2.00 ( that a redneck indicator?).

Because I really didn't want to sit down and play the game, but rather get down to business and figure this mystery out,
I removed the stack of cards,
put them in a cute little handmade pottery bowl
and set them on the table for supper time.


My kids are known for spotting any new item that comes into the house, and the cards were on the table no longer than 5 minutes before the fun began. 

You see, my kids were first introduced to Rednecks jokes at the local Cafe (Club Casmo) that has a daily Redneck calendar sitting at the check-out counter. Better than dessert to them is reading that days' Redneck joke and sharing it with the rest of the family.

As soon as they discovered the cards, we were on our way out of the house as usual, soooo the cards came with us. Hence, our new travel entertainment was born.

The cards go a little something like this:

"You might be a redneck if...

You use ____________ to do a French manicure."

. Sandpaper
. White-Out
. French Dressing

Seeeee? How resourceful is that?

1 pt towards redneck.

There it is!!!!

How about this one?

"You might be a redneck if...
You see a sign that says 'Just say no to crack,' and it reminds you to_______."

.Caulk the shower
.Fix the window in your kitchen
.Pull up your jeans

Our family prefers "Crack Kills" and we recently started our own collection of "plumber butt" pictures. YEP. I told ya we might be Rednecks.

ONE more for good measure.  Are you Redneck enough to get the answer right?

"You might be a redneck if....

You regularly answer the door in the your underwear, carrying a __________."

.40 oz.
.Baseball Bat

Yes, he's guilty.  And here I thought it was a city-boy thing.
Ummmm, yeah. Nowwwww I get it.

How about you, are you or your Home-eez Rednecks?? Please tell me I'm not alone! Maybe I'll have to do a "You might be a Redneck if..." LINK-up.